Chronicles of that Lively Loner|Double Failure

13/8/014

Writing my post UTME(University Tertiary Matriculation Examination) was one of my best moments, but it turned out like this: I went to check my result today and guess what? I failed WOEFULLY. I’ve not really recorded a double failure as this in my life, but I guess the world just pinched me so I can feel the real life. I used to think life was so fair and sweet, filled with dreams which you nurture and watch come true, but no, it’s not. It’s not the dreamland I’ve been living in. It’s a bed of thorns close to a flower garden. The fragrance from  the garden gets to the bed of thorns and I smell it, but it’s not the life I’m in, it’s just not. I was wrong all the while, believing my heart desires will come true with a little prayer and a little hard work. I was totally very wrong. I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to face my life squarely without even a tear. I wanted to be so brave, but it was like I was in a dark tunnel without water, food nor light.

Unfortunately, I’m new to this environment, I can’t see in this dark tunnel, I can hardly breathe. All I do for now is cry out my eyeballs and watch those castles I built in the dreamland collapse terribly with no one to help me hold them back. I feel terrible so that, I was happy for the very first time, wishing for death. You won’t believe my score but it really is 110/400. “What a terrible score” you might say, but it’s more miserable for me that bears that score. Still, the simple fact I have to accept is that, “there are two eyes watching me”. But then, do I need to suffer so badly just to actualize my dream?

You know, it’s just me. I’m the problem I have!. Life is not a dreamland where everything works perfectly, now I know, I guess I have to get used to the dark tunnel, the bed of thorns and make good use of every opportunity I see..without loosing hope?because its really hard to hold on. My comforter still knows the best. I’m so sorry for my mom, that’s all I can be to her. And for being a disgrace to my family, my bro’ in particular,” I’m so sorry”. He’s a brainiac, but I guess am just the very opposite of him. I feel like a great failure. And to my dad, each time I try making you proud, I just fail. 

Although hope is not lost, because when there’s life, there’s hope, I still feel bad. I don’t think I’ll still be that cheerful and Lively at least for the time being. Don’t pity me dear, laugh at me so hard, so I can have the zeal to face life. Don’t give me your back to lean on either, I might again forget what lesson, life taught me. Leave me to stand, I might not start so well but I know someday I’ll stand, firmly rooted to the ground and sprout up greatly. I’m not in this alone, God’s gat my back.

Thank you LORD for watching over me all these while, please smile at me for your joy is my Strength.😟